in love..

-IN LOVE

She gave him another side glance and still found him staring at her… and for the first time in her life she felt uncomfortable under someone’s gaze. “It’s not someone’s gaze, but his” her mind clarified the difference. The intensity of those yes was not consuming but mesmerising as well. On a muttered oath she forced herself to turn around and concentrate on her dance partner…

He just couldn’t stop himself from staring at her. She was like this graceful willow among those gaudy bimbos. Completely enthralling… No matter what his eyes kept roving back to her only. “You better turn around or you will end with some broken bones” his heart warned sizing her dance partner. And yet within minutes he was back staring at her…

He almost followed her outside, thank goodness his friend grabbed him at the very last moment. “Where to???” he enquired incredulously, “you aren’t drunk or are you?” he continued

“Ohhhh, to nowhere” he replied as if dazed

“Yeah” his friend drawled out the word. “I guess you have lost it already. I will just grab one more and then we are heading back for sure. You seriously seem out of your elements” he continued, “and don’t dare move an inch from here” he added as the parting order

He sat there, looking ahead at nothing in particular. He was still lost in his thoughts when he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around and blinked for the first time in a long long while. There stood his ‘willow’ dazzling him with her smile. “She is trying to say something you baboon” his mind interjected. He finally gulped down the lump in his throat and murmured an almost inaudible “pardon”

She gave him a shy smile as if guilty of a great crime. “I said can you help find me the manager of this place. I have tried but haven’t been able to track him down” she repeated her problem. He gave her a brisk nod and turned around to look for his friend in the crowd, but to no avail. He turned back to her, “see I can’t see him myself at the moment.”

“Oh, thank you still” she replied and started to turn

“But maybe I could be of some help. What exactly do you want from the manager?” he enquired, not many knew he owned the whole bloody place

“Actually my company just passed out at the gates and it’s almost impossible for me to move him. The bouncer outside is already having a tough time with some rich daddy’s boy” she spat the last words as if a blasphemy, “so I just wanted the manager to bail him and me out. But guess none will be possible as if now” she continued looking dejected

“Not really, guess today is your lucky day. Let’s go and see if can help you out” he suggested standing up

“You sure” she enquired, her eyes lighting up with hope

“Sure, let’s move” he said grabbing her hand and heading towards the door. He swung open the door and met bouncer’s pleadingly eyes. “One moment” he said to the girl by his side and went to sort the trouble out. It didn’t take him long and he turned back to her and found her looking at him in awe. He simply shrugged, “so where’s your big guy?” he questioned. She pointed towards the body spilled out on the cold hard ground a few paces away. They quickly enough reached him

He grunted under the bulk once, but quickly found his balance and crawled towards the car parked at some distance. She too joined him at the other side and they made to the vehicle slowly enough

“Thank you” she expressed sounding quite winded. “Phew, really thanks a real ton” she continued, “I would have never made it alone”

“No probs” he interjected. “So anything else, you need someone to drive you home or you’ll be able to handle that” he enquired

“Thanks for the offer, still. But I have that in control.”

“Thank goodness I don’t drink” she added a few minutes later on a harsh laugh. One could easily see how much she hated it

“Yeah” he agreed evenly. “So drive safely” he added in the same tone and opened the door for her

“Sure deal” she assured him sliding in the driver’s seat and backed her car

“By the way, the name is Idha” she shouted as she drove past him

“Idha…” he whispered her name as if savouring a rare wine

When his friend reached him some time later, he was still rooted to the very same spot. “What the bloody hell are you doing here?” he fairly shouted his irritation of having to look for him all over the place

“Looking for you” he replied easy

“Oh really, you have lost it Saar. Seriously have” his friend observed

“Yeah” he agreed happily

***************

She really hoped that she had reached the right address; for the place looked too shabby to lodge the super glossy ‘Shinghaals.’ She tentatively picked the old brass knocker and let it drop in a bang reverberating through the whole cottage

She was hopping from one foot to another in her customary restless way, when the large door was finally pulled open. She didn’t even wait to acknowledge the guy holding the door open; inside went straight ahead; though it wasn’t her, but today was turning out to be a bad hair types. “Can you please inform Mr. Shinghaal, that the person from ‘Wrappings’ is here” she said to no one in particular

“Sure ma’am, but which Mr. Shinghaal would that be?” he enquired in a mild tone. Saar was all too happy to do her biding. He felt as if someone has placed the whole world on his very palms as his, when he saw her striding inside

“Hmmm…” she murmured and started riffling through some documents, “Saar, I mean Mr. Saar Shinghaal” she informed an ecstatic Saar

He mulled over for few minutes, whether to murmur an ‘okay’ to return in few minutes or to say a ‘yes’ to shake some of the ground beneath her feet. He was still pondering over it when her voice intercepted his though train, “and do be quick about it” and the decision was made for him

“Yes” he waited a beat and continued, “how precisely can I help you?” he enquired very mildly

She almost jumped a foot when she heard that enquiry. And was even more startled to find only the ‘guy’ who had opened the door standing there in the vast drawing room. When she opened her mouth simply nothing came out of it, she closed her eyes and took a deep breath as he enquired quite concerned, “are you gonna faint on me?”

“No” she whispered through clenched teeth and Saar smiled. And that smile was the first thing she saw when she re-opened her eyes and she gave him a sheepish grin in return

“Now how can I help you” Saar volunteered, “but a sec, I’ll be right back” he informed and turned around without waiting for her response

She sank down on the soft comfy couch, leaned back against the headrest and closed her eyes on a smile. “Blew it, didn’t I” she questioned her mind. “May be” her mind offered, “may be not” her heart interjected

He found her like that, a soft smile playing on her stunning face. As if she had sensed his presence, she opened her eyes and sat up straight as rigid as a rod. He smiled and pushed the tray towards her, “just relax and here’s the water for you ma’am” he offered cheekily. “By the way do you want anything else?” he continued

She shook head in a no as she reached for the glass of water. She took a long sip and said, “sorry” in a small whisper

“It was fun” he readily assured her. “So let’s get down to the business” he continued sitting across her, “I guess I interacted with your boss on the phone yesterday. See I’m in agreement with most of the points but I want a very urgent and important amendment in the whole deal”

“That’s fine with us, especially me. And just for your information, I am the boss. That guy you talked to is my brother. If you have time we can discuss the terms now itself, so what say?” she replied coolly, once again in control

“You are the boss” he asked in a tone both incredulous and impressed at the same time

“Yes, any problems” she said challenging him to dare and cite any

“No, none whatsoever. It’s great. And sorry” he said, “so where we?” he continued

“The deal”

“Yeah. See the thing is that I want the notice period to be shortened a little more. For most of the times going with the and by whims of our clients, it seriously not possible for us to finalize the designs, colours and other details before the very last instant. So if possible, I want to get the notice time down to three days in the least”

“Hmmm… See Mr. Shinghaal…”

“Saar will do” he interjected

“See Saar” she continued without missing a beat, “we too have a situation here. We, I mean my company needs time as well to procure the required and quality raw material. And trust me last minute purchases are always a disaster, at times trivial ones and at others giant ones. But disaster, nevertheless… I have my own name to think and care about. Three days is just too less, the fifteen day offer that I had given you was already too tight. Three days would be a killer”

“Ms. Merchant I understand your predicament. Trust me I really do, but my own hands are tied up in it. Okay let’s do one thing; you leave the agreement here with me and we get all other amendments incorporated. And we can get back to this days issue later, what say?”

“No, I think we can wrap up this too today itself. I seriously don’t like dragging things, more than required that is. Is seven day notice viable enough for you?”

“Guess that will suit me almost perfectly. Seven it is”

“Then you have the deal, Saar” she concluded and forwarded her hand for a shake

He took her hand and surprised her by slowly raising it to his lips. And when he placed a soft kiss on it murmuring, “Deal it is” she felt as if someone has stopped her heart

She gave him a dazzling smile and retrieved her hand back, almost unwillingly. “Guess we are done for the day. My office will get back to yours at the earliest. So I’ll take your leave, thank you for your time. Goodbye” she said turning away to leave

“Hey Idha” Saar called out to her as she reached for the door, “join me for the celebrations. Promise drinks are on me” he teased

“Some other day, promise… Water was enough for the day” she winked at him and he burst out laughing, “deal???” he questioned

“Deal…” she promised and let herself out of the door before he could interrupt her again

***************

She was completely drunk for the first time in her life and she didn’t give a hoot about it. It was his love that was proving to be more intoxicating for her than the champagne itself. She was drunk on him and still wanted more, more and more. “I love you, more than the life itself” she whispered into his ears as he pulled her more tightly against himself

He still couldn’t believe his good fortune. He was in love for the first time in his thirty three years, in fact he was knee deep in love, maybe even deeper and he didn’t care a bit about it. She was everything he had ever wanted; he was crazy about her and just couldn’t get enough of her. “Me too” he replied back

They had been together for a year now and still they were so damn hungry for each other. It seemed as if they just couldn’t get enough of one another. No matter how much they found, they craved for more…

“Let’s leave sweet, please” she whispered huskily against his neck as they swayed in sync to the humming music around

“In thirty seconds flat” he promised tightening his hold around her slender waist

“Twenty” she negotiated like always

“And five” he laid his terms

“Deal” she agreed saucily biting him on his ear, knowing all too well that it drove him crazy

“Stop that. Damnit we are in the middle of my grandparents’ ballroom for heaven’s sake” he growled against her ear, still pressing her closer to his frame, “whatever will they think about me??” he questioned her impishly

“That you are a sinner, what else” she replied, all the while innocently fluttering her eyelashes

“Vixen” he whispered as he closed his mouth over hers and expertly pulled themselves behind the huge curtains. He tightened his hold on her as she arched to meet him. They were both breathless by the time they had their way with one another. And soon enough they wished his grandparents once again, said their goodbyes to his parents and her brother and headed home. They made a striking pair together, good bones, great legs, striking faces, grace, charm and a hint of innocence…

They were already tearing each others' clothes off by the time they reached the locked door of their home. He was trying to kiss her and dig out the keys from his pocket at the same time, not that it was working any way. He stopped his search and gave his full attention to her lips and retreated only when he realised that he was in real jeopardy of having his way with her right on the front steps. He called unto all his control and pulled back, “just give a sec sweetheart” he murmured against her lips. He quickly dug out the keys and almost pulled out the door from its hinges. She with all her might pushed him in and slammed the door shut. They both reached for each other at the same time as the echo of the bang died in the background. Now nothing else mattered, they had their whole world in one another and neither needed nor wanted anyone else. They were lost, in one another and the love that didn’t seem to wane. They were one: complete and endless…

***************

Blue, it was forever her favourite colour. But today all she could see in blue was red. She tore open another of the packets lying in front of her and reset the timer at twenty. And waited… And blue it was, yet again… This was the fifth time and she hated this blue with vengeance. Even before she could make up her mind, as to how to react; two streams of tears were flowing down her lovely cheeks. And soon enough sobs raked through her body. After what seemed like an eternity, she finally composed herself on a really deep deep breath. She picked up the strips and when towards their bedroom and dumped them all on the centre table. She quietly peeled off all her clothes and slid into the welcoming softness of their bed and caress of his fragrance. Soon enough she was fast asleep and didn’t stir for a long long time

By the time he came back, she was still in a deep slumber. He knew that she wasn’t feeling well for days now, but he had no clue that she had taken an off. He felt a chill ran down his spine thinking her to be in some serious trouble. He quickly reached her side and placed a hand over her forehead. He took a breath of relief when he found nothing bothersome. He lightly shook her awake, “hey lazybones wake up sweet. Get up, get up, be a good girl now” and pulled her upright

“There. You okay na baby…” he enquired still searching her face and eyes for some clues

“Yeah” she replied in a low whisper

“You sure???”

“Yes babah” she assured and gave him a slow smile. “Come” she said patting the space beside her

“And dinner, huh?”

“I don’t want any” she sulked

“Bad girl” he chided as he removed his clothes and got in beside her

She instantly rolled over and cuddled tight against him. She lightly kissed him on his neck behind the ear and scooted herself more closer to him and held on tightly to him

“Hey sweetheart, you seriously okay na???” he enquired bothered once again. Her reactions and desperation therein was scaring the hell out of him

“Hmmm…” she murmured on a choked breath

“Heyyy…” he whispered as he pushed her face up and saw tears running down her face. “Hey sweet, please please don’t cry. You know na that I hate it. Please, shh, sweetbuns. Shhh…” he murmured as he held her tight against himself providing as much support he could at that point. Tears always did that to him, especially her tears; they always scared the shit out of him. When between the sobs she managed to utter, she had no control over them, he simply tightened his hold and waited for her to cry herself dry and soon they both were sound asleep

He woke her up with a burnt toast, lumpy omelette and sour juice. But she felt as if someone has placed the jewels of the world in front of her. She looked up from the plate and beamed. He had been beside himself seeing her tears once again, though all dried up during the night. He securely placed the tray in her lap and sat by her side giving her a little kiss on the nose

“So…” he raised an eyebrow after few moments of silence

“Don’t know why but was missing momma a lot” for the first time she lied to him keeping her eyes glued to the plate

“Oh my poor munchies…” he sympathized and opened his arms for her and soon enough she was tightly secured in his warm embrace

***************

The metal was ice cold and equally hard and the paper gown they had provided her was no protection against any of it. She knew she had to do it else she is bound to lose everything else. Saar was forever against this particular aspect of the relationship. He felt just too strongly over this. Though she was feeling numb all over, but still a part of her was sure that she didn’t want to be here. She heard a knock and saw her oldest friend walk towards her

“So Idha, you really sure you want to go through this??” he questioned for the last time, coz for whatever reason he had this inkling that she didn’t want to do it

“Yes” she whispered in an almost inaudible voice. “No” she said a moment later, tears streaming down her face

“Hey, hey… Idha…” he exclaimed and held her tight while she cried her system dry

“There, there…” he lightly patted as she hiccuped like a drunken sailor. “Now you just relax and be happy and in six months we’ll give Saar the greatest gift ever, okay”

She nodded a yes and thanked him for understanding her confusion at a time when she hadn’t understood it herself. Now all she had to do was convince Saar that it won’t break them instead will bond them more securely than ever. She once again thanked her buddy and made her way towards the warmth of her home leaving that clinical cold far behind

***************

“We need to talk” she said without any preamble as they lay together, cozy under the quilt

“Hmmm”

“I’m pregnant” she whispered softly and awaited the explosion as she felt him stiffen against her

“What???” he questioned in a weak voice

“That I’m pregnant and even before you ask, I’m sure about it. In fact I’m almost three months pregnant”

“Holy shit” he swore, “how could it be possible?? When the bloody hell did it all happen” he was ranting and he knew it, not that he cared, not at this junction

“As far as I have been able to zero it out, it happened on grumpy’s anniversary

“Crap” he swore again

“So what now??” he questioned sometime later not knowing what else to say

“I don’t know anything other than the fact that I want to have your baby” she simply stated her choice

“Are you crazy or what?” he shouted as he bounced off the bed

“No” she replied calmly for now she was surer than ever that she wanted their child more than anything else, even the life herself

“Idha you know my opinion about children. They destroy everything. Damn it we agreed we won’t have any child ever. You yourself never wanted them. So why are you changing all that and throwing us away?” he was scared and angry at the same time and it didn’t help that neither he wanted to lose her nor did he want the baby amidst them. And now looking at her he knew she was going to have it, no matter what. It was either both of them or none

“Idha please, you’ll have to do something about this and fix it” he begged pointing at her stomach

“Saar why don’t you take a deep breath, relax a little and try getting used to this idea of a cute person between us, huh” she tried making him understand

“Idha please”

“Saar please, why don’t you understand, we aren’t your parents. This little being won’t break us” she expressed placing her hand over her womb

“It already is” he shouted, now angry beyond anything

“Saar, pie, please don’t do this to us. Please, I beg of you” she implored running behind him as he stormed to the other room

“Then get rid of it Idha” he flatly stated his terms as he packed his clothes, “and give me a call once you have taken care of it” he concluded zipping the duffle bag shut

“Saar” she choked as he slammed the door shut on her face and strode out on their life

***************

She sat there staring blankly ahead as if in a trance. She hadn’t eaten anything in past three days despite knowing that this way it won’t take her long to lose the baby. She didn’t answer her cell, the landline or went to work; all she did was sit, cry and wait. And every time she heard anything outside the main door she ran, like mad, hoping it to be Saar. She instantly heard the insistent knocks on the door and ran, again. She yanked opened the door only to find her brother standing there is utter shock. He quickly enough got the details out of her and put some milk and toast into her. Then he packed a few of her things and took her with him, locking up the place for good

Though she hated to admit, but she felt safe being there. Though younger but her brother was taking a great care of her ensuring that she eat, sleep, exercise on time. She was still waiting for Saar to call or somehow know and turn up at this place. She prayed for everything to be as before only now with their baby in it as well

***************

He sat nursing his fourth drink of the night. All he had done in past few days was drink, sulk and drink. He wanted to go back and be, but at the same time he didn’t want any child in the picture. He didn’t want to gift any child the childhood he lived through for deep down he believed that this child will also have to go through all that shit, if it arrived. He finished his drink in one go and indicated the bartender for a refill and started his sulk all over again

He felt as if someone has gone nuts and was having a party with hammering drills inside his head. He gingerly got out of the bed into the bathroom and opened the shower on full. He winced hard as the first gush of ice cold water hit his eyes, but he let it shake his body awake. He soon finished his shower and stood before the mirror, for the first time in days actually seeing his own self. And there he saw himself, not his parents; just his own self with tears trickling down the face. He cried at length at his own stupidity, but now he finally knew what he wanted. Everything that he had ever needed was his for keeping and he had been foolish enough to let it all slip away. “Almost” his mind reminded him. He quickly got ready and dialled a number but disconnected mid-way thinking otherwise

He was smiling after what seemed like an age. He stopped at the corner florist and brought some lilies, carnations and baby’s breath. How could I be so childish, he chided his own self, “coz you alwaya have been” his heart supplied cheerily. “I know” he finally agreed. He was so engrossed in imagining Idha’s surprise and happiness over his decision that he didn’t even see the huge vehicle carrier gone crazy and now barging his way. One loud bam and it all went hush. Nothing stirred for a few frozen moments and then came the shadows rushing forward from all sides to help yet afraid enough not get involved. Someone dialled the police, while another was trying to reach the emergency. And then someone picked up his cell and re-dialled the last dialled number

She had finally made up her mind late last night. She knew Saar’s fear was irrational but it stemmed from reality, harsh black reality of his own existence. She slowly paced the foyer as she waited for her brother to finish up with his play and take them home, her home. She knew she was ready to stand back on her two feet and do what she did best. Negotiate terms with Saar. She knew she could do it and they will find a common ground once again, only she’ll have to fight a little harder this time and she was ready for it. For in the end it all would be worth it, that she was sure of; “and soon enough so will be Saar” her heart conceded

She heard the applause through the paper thin theatre walls and heaved a sigh of acute relief. She was growing too restless for her own good these days as if the baby just didn’t want her to sit still for long. She softly rubbed her back a little and waited for her brother to come out as well. Just as she saw the theatre door open, her cell rang. Her heart skipped a beat as she saw the caller’s name; she quickly picked up the call. But the voice of the other side wasn’t Saar; she could have recognised his voice even in her sleep. Her mind went numb few seconds later, after all that voice was speaking utter nonsense. And her whole being went into denial, after all Saar never drives rashly, never, he adores his cars, they are his babies, then how come there is an accident, there can’t be, so he can’t be dead, he isn’t… And before her brother could reach her she had slipped down the long flight of stairs. By the time the echo of her name died and he had reached her, life was seeping out of her as a pool of blood spread around. He picked her up in one quick sweep and shouted for an ambulance to the faces around as her hands froze still hugging their love’s angel tight…

-neh..